Wedding Season Reminders

Ah summer is upon us. School is out, vacation plans are in motion, and there’s a good chance that you are surrounded by a pile of wedding invitations at this very moment. It’s officially that time of year! I offer two seasonal reminders that require licking an envelope: one for guests and one for the bride and groom. Whether you’re getting married or attending a wedding, enjoy your nuptial journey.

For Wedding Guests: The Gift of an RSVP

There is one simple act of kindness-it takes two minutes and costs nothing-that you can do for the bride and groom. You will not receive a thank you note, but this act will be greatly appreciated by everyone planning the wedding: RSVP as soon as you receive your invitation. Don’t delay! Walk right over to your calendar and see if you have anything else going on. If there is no conflict, then don’t wait to see if something else comes up-pencil this wedding on that day. If you do have a prior engagement then check, “respectfully decline,” (it’s an option) on the RSVP card, and send it back. You may have already noted the event because of the “Save the Date” card that the couple sent out. The RSVP card is pre-addressed and pre-stamped-again, it costs you nothing, and it’s a nice thing to do.

R.S.V.P. is an acronym for the French phrase, “répondez, s’il vous plaît,” which means “please reply.” This is a form of etiquette that has followed us from the French court of King Louis XIV in the late 17th and early 18th centuries until now. It is still needed. I’ve seen too many brides in an absolute panic two weeks before the wedding because less than half the invitees have RSVPed. Weddings are expensive, and the event planners need to know as soon as possible how many plates they are paying for. I find in most cases that people do plan on attending, they just don’t take the two minutes required to respond. Worst case scenario: you RSVP yes and something does change, then you call and explain your situation within a reasonable amount of time.

I know these days it’s become blasé to RSVP because of the What if something better comes along factor that text messaging lends to. Weddings, however, are an all-day event, so if you’re going then plan on being there for many hours. Unless there’s an equally important event that you’re going to try to make it to, such as another wedding or graduation party, then your whole day will center be around the wedding. It’s just as important to respond if you’re not going. If you RSVP your regrets then you don’t owe an explanation as to why you can’t attend, whereas if the wedding party has to contact you and ask then there’s more pressure to give a reason why. If the bride or groom has to call or e-mail you to find out if you’re coming or not, then you owe that person an apology.

For the Happy Couple: Thank you, Thank you Very Much

I read a horror story in USA Today a year or so ago. Apparently a couple living somewhere outside Seattle sent out a mass e-mail thanking everyone for attending their wedding and for all the “really nice gifts.” I know e-mail is quick and convenient, but it can also be cold and impersonal. When it comes to thanking the group of people you chose to spend your wedding day with you, then they deserve a more meaningful gesture of appreciation.

That being said, I also know how overwhelming a long list of thank you notes to write can be especially after the titanic task of planning the wedding. First off, don’t be afraid to ask your new husband for help. This can be the first project you do as a married couple. Second, enjoy it. Handwritten notes are guaranteed to make someone’s day, so you’re offering sincere gratitude and making people smile all in one simple act. Lastly, remember thank you notes don’t have to be long. You can send a short message that’s easy for you to write and special for them to receive. Here is a four-sentence thank-note formula in case you need help:

Sentence 1

Thank Them for the Gift: Simple enough, right? Just start off by mentioning the gift itself. For example, “Thank you for the candle holders.” Or if you want to go the ultra-enthusiastic Emily Post route you can say, “The candle holders are divine!”

Sentence 2

Elaborate on How You Plan to Use the Gift: Take the gift one step further and talk about how you’ve used it or plan to use it. For example, “We dined with them just last night.” Or, “We’re having a dinner party this Saturday, and I can’t wait to show them off.”

If You Didn’t Like the Gift: You can skip this sentence. Still thank them for the gift, but there’s no need to lie and gush about it if you don’t like it. You could also have two sentences thanking them for attending the wedding, which is described below.

Sentence 3

Thank Them Again for Attending Your Wedding: Use the third sentence as an opportunity to enthusiastically thank them for taking the time to attend the main event.  For example, “Above all, thank you for traveling such a long to distance to be with us on our wedding day-it really meant a lot to us.” Or “More than that, thank you for coming to our wedding and lighting up the dance floor.” If they were unable to attend the wedding but sent a gift then you can tell them how much you missed them at the ceremony.

Sentence 4

Mention When You’ll See Them Again: A good way to end your thank you note is by mentioning when you’ll see the person again, “I can’t wait to see you at Thanksgiving.” Or, “We’ll have to have you over for dinner just a soon as we’re settled.”

There are no rules to writing thank you notes (only that you write them), but if you use this guide you note should resemble something like this:

Cynthia,

The picture frame you sent is gorgeous! It’s sitting on the mantle with our favorite honeymoon photo in it. Thank you so much for trekking out to Jersey for our wedding-you looked amazing in that vintage blue dress. We’ll look forward to seeing you again at Marci’s wedding in August.

Lots of love,

Jason & Samara