What to Say in Sympathy Cards

It’s so common to feel like you are afloat when your friend loses a loved one. You don’t want to be too pushy, but also want to make sure that they know you care. Sympathy cards are a common way to express concern and care, but it’s hard to know what to write inside the card.

One thing to keep in mind when writing sympathy cards is that it is important and okay to acknowledge the death and loss. It often feels taboo in our society to talk about death openly and to acknowledge that someone is not coming back. To the person grieving, this is all they can think about. They know that their loved one is gone, so if you mention it to them they will not be surprised or hurt. Being open with your concerns and feelings can be a great comfort to someone who is grieving, as they might feel like people are on eggshells around them.

It is one thing to say that you are there for someone, but another thing to actually be there. Too often in sympathy cards a person says to let them know what they can do. Often someone who is grieving doesn’t even know what he or she want or need to do. If you are going to write the words, follow it up with action. Bring food to their house, take out their trash, do their dishes, and help them deal with some of the everyday things that they have to deal with. You might not want to feel pushy, but just show up. If they want to refuse your help, they can do that. Your grieving friend might not want to call anyone up to ask for help, but they probably would still like some assistance.

Sending cards to mark the 6 month and yearly anniversary of their passing is another great idea. Often we expect grieving to take place in a neat timeframe, but it can go on for months or years. We never really get over losing someone close to us, and although we all might know it, we might refuse to acknowledge it. Take the same steps you did before – bring over food, offer to give some help around the house. Let them talk if they want to, and understand that while it might seem strange that they are still upset after months or even years, this is normal. We get to mourn right after a funeral, but within a few months we are expected to be past the stage of crying and anger. Try not to fall into that mindset and your friend will appreciate it.